Marriage, Family and Islam

Every discourse on human life, civilization and culture, polity and society, and problems presumes inclusion and participation of women in all these spheres and the related activities. Women constitute half, in fact more than half, of world’s population. No society, country or nation can afford to ignore them.

But the question is: what status does a civilization, and a people, accord to their womenfolk? What is the nature of man-woman relation in a particular society, women’s rights and obligations, their sphere of activity, their social and political role, and, in practical terms, how do they respond to the day-to-day problems and modern challenges?

This brings us to the study of the status and role of women in the Muslim society, since the dawn of Islam through these modern times. Are they only second-rated members in a Muslim society – subjected to ‘retrogressive’, ‘obsolete’, ‘harsh’ restrictions; and confined within the four walls of their home? Or, is it that men and women enjoy the ‘same’ status, but have somewhat ‘different’ spheres of activity? This needs to be studied with an open-mind and impartial approach.

If the West throws ‘outlandish’ allegations against the Muslim world and its treatment of women, the latter has to dig out the causes of antagonistic approach and misgivings of the former in order to try to allay their fears for the purpose of better mutual understanding. In the same way, the former has to lend a keen ear and unbiased position to what the latter has to say.

Any sustainable civilization or human society would require a certain amount of rules and regulations for its existence. Some agreeable perception has to be drawn for the smooth relationship between individuals and society with regards to gender issues. It must be clearly understood that any clash of interest between an individual and a society should be viewed and examined in a larger interest of humanity. If an individual’s goal is to enjoy sex freely then certain values i.e. commitment and fidelity, having a greater impact on society, shall loose their significance. Unfortunately such undesirable tendencies are fast growing in today’s world.

Islam accords honour and dignity to a woman. She can not be treated as sex commodity nor can her sexuality be commercialized by any way. Allowing sexual desire outside the martial bond injures human morality, promotes inhuman behavior, deteriorates the family institution and destabilizes the society as a whole. In fact the religious bond imposes the desired checks and removes the imbalances.

Along with research works, studies, and seminars taking up questions on modern day issues and problems present an effective way of being heard ‘loud and clear’ across the religious divide besides serving the primary purpose of providing guidance to fellow co-religionists.

The relationship between man and woman and their contribution to human life has always been a source of interest and concern in the history of mankind. The history reveals that two extremes have prevailed in different eras and civilizations with regard to the mutual relationship between the two sexes.

Spreading over centuries, an unguided self-study has hardly helped human beings reach to a well balanced point of place. However, the Creator (Allah) has made the arrangements to guide them to the right path through His messengers (The Rasools). But whenever they ignored the given guidelines from the Creator, weather deliberately or mistakenly, it was they who suffered immensely.

The biological make up, behavioral pattern, sentimental variations, physical abilities and the mental inclination are the areas where the visible gender difference can be felt and experienced. This difference makes them inter-dependant upon each other which is a guarantee to the survival, piece and prosperity of human life. In fact, the biological realities, psychological conclusions, sociological facts and the past human experiences dictate the natural division of work between the two sexes. The prime in-built qualities in a woman to give birth, feed and grow a child can not be attributed to a man. Likewise, the physical endurance and the amount of consistent hard work required for good earning are most commonly attributed to man since his biological make up is most suitable for this role.

Logically speaking, the role of Divine religion is of utmost importance as man does not possess the desired vision to regulate his activities in a well balanced manner and can not present a complete code of life but a hotchpotch of different rules and regulations. It is mandatory to discipline their lives for the community and civilization at large. Thus all the Divine religions made the marriage as an institution of legal relationship between man and woman for the propagation and continuation of human race through the family system.

As we know, Islam being a complete code of life, has given us detailed instructions about marriage, rights and obligations of the spouses, child bearing and rearing, marital disorder, divorce, inheritance and other relevant affairs. The Islamic teachings provide the parameters about interfaith marriages, matters pertaining to the family life, segregation of sexes and many other socio-sexual aspects. Our response to a few questions pertaining to these areas is available in the Q&A section.

Rights and Obligations

We are living in an age that is symbolized by strong desire and forceful movement against the present situation based on age-old traditions and values. The demand is to bring about structural changes in the whole fabric of old cultures. The alternatives suggested are named advancement, development and modernization. Among the burning issues, gender emancipation and equality figure prominent, more so in view of the plight of the half of humanity that suffered since very long owing to many factors – social, cultural, political and religious.

The past two centuries or so have particularly witnessed great concerns for improving the lot of women. Of late, and specially under the unified command of the United Nations, a great upsurge is witnessed on the global level. Plans and policies are designed and implemented through world agencies, regional bodies and national governments to remedy the situation. All that is done under certain perceptions and viewpoints is not always agreeable to everybody. More disturbing is the fact that in many a case the measures proposed at the global level brought rather more hardships and injustices against the oppressed sex. Women were losing more rather than making gains in the given circumstances.

The Islāmic approach to successfully liberate women from all shackles should be seen in the above context. Islam not only endorses the objectives of equality – distinct from similarity, of course – it rather strongly advocates and ensures realization of the woman’s rights. An important feature of the Islāmic approach is its non-fragmentary holistic nature. While it speaks of rights, there is equal emphasis on obligations and responsibilities.

Qur’ān has made it clear that man and woman are two physical forms of the same being. There is no original difference between them. God Almighty declared in the very opening verse of the chapter titled al-Nisā’ [women]:

O men! Fear your Lord, Who created you from a single being and out of it created its mate; and out of the two spread many men and women. Fear Allah in Whose name you plead for rights and heed the ties of kinship. Surely, Allah is ever watchful over you [al-Nisā’ 4:1]

The declaration thus clearly spells an end to all forms of discrimination so obviously manifest in the man-designed systems and behaviours. None is nobler or meaner by birth in the sight of God Almighty, as all humans are the progeny of Adam [‘alaihissalām]. The notion that man, as against woman, was superior has been rejected in Islam.

In fact, Qur’ān accords special treatment to the women folk. While upholding equality of men and women, our attention is drawn to a fact:

And be heedful for the wombs that bore you. [al-Nisā’ 4:1]

Read with the above, verse 15 of al-Aĥqāf and verse 14 of Luqmān remind us of our place of origin and birth, thus making a special case of mother’s position in the family and society. Bukhāri and Muslim report the Prophet (peace be upon him) repeatedly (three times) saying: “I enjoin man about his mother.” Ĥākim reports that ‘Āishah (RA) once enquired the Prophet: “O messenger of God, … who has the greatest right on man? The Prophet (peace be upon him) replied: His mother. Concerning woman as wife, the holy Qur’ān says:

And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them according to what is equitable. [al-Baqarah 2:228]

And Prophet Muĥammad (peace be upon him) declared:

Whoever… does not give preference to his son over his daughter, God will make him enter Heaven (Ĥākim).

Based on these injunctions and commands, the family system in Islam makes proper legal provisions to protect the rights of woman and accords her a privileged position of honour and dignity as mother, as wife and as daughter. Worth noting is the fact that while a woman has due share in a man’s earnings as mother, wife, un-married sister and daughter; man has no such right on her earnings and property. Then, it is not her legal responsibility to do household chores; what she does in this way is a favour that merits appreciation and gratefulness.

An important objective of the Islāmic scheme of marital life is mutual love and affection. That realized, the husband and wife could, with combined efforts and willful participation, promote the purposes that the human culture and civilized society seek to accomplish. Love and affection enable the spouses to lead a happy and peaceful family life and give them the strength for the promotion of higher cultural values. Describing the objective, the Qur’ān clarifies the concept:

And of His Signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you might find peace of mind in them, and He put between you love and compassion… [30:21]

An oft-repeated Qur’ānic verse [2:187] compares the spouses to an apparel for each other. A garment is something nearest to the human body that becomes part of one’s being. The dress protects the body from external rigours and beautifies the wearer. Without this complementary relationship, which acts as a shield, both husband and wife are exposed to the dangers of illicit carnality. The single but succinct Qur’ānic phrase captures all these aspects.

The best in human nature expresses itself in the flowering of family relationships. It is only in this context that what is spiritually a potential in men and women becomes real and sets the pace of blossoming of goodness and virtues within and outside the family. With children in the family, the values of fellow-feeling, of love and compassion, of sacrifice for others, of tolerance and kindness, are translated into reality and implanted in character. This was the context, when the Prophet (peace be upon him) said that: a happy home is one of the blessings of Allah.