Question:

I am not sure if you are the person to ask but I am trying my luck any way. I have been married to a Muslim for more than 13 years now. I married him on my own and did not ask my parents permission because I know they are against it, but I insisted and it is something I have regretted for a long time. I tried to do my best...earned a living accepted his first child in another marriage, took care of his mother, entertained his sisters and other family members if they visit.... but always I am accused of not giving enough. My husband has not had a decent job and is fond of first class ways of life. If he has money,  he uses it for his own ... treating his friends for some fun. He'd give me some but the amount he gets back from me is ten fold the amount he gave me. I have even pawned the jewelries my parents gave me and loaned our house with his insistence and his promise to redeem them himself. But I have found myself facing all the obligations and to be paying the interest from my own earnings. He borrowed money from his sister and his sister would ask payment from me. I'd give so as not to give embarrassment to my husband. His mother was ailing (who died three years ago) and stayed with us from the first day of our marriage. When none of the sisters (two who are both in America) then wanted her. It was I who took her in. After the death of their mother, one of his sisters came home and occupied a room on the first floor of our house which is actually my husbands family home. I should not have mind that but she continually told people of how much of a no good person I am ...... continuously!!! So we moved out to transfer to the house my father gave me. Now my husband has no work, no income but he leaves the house whenever he wants or stays all day laying and watching TV. He eats the food we prepare, drink coffee, entertains friends, sleep in a good bed (we sleep in separate rooms since February last) which is cleaned daily, uses the TV and air conditioning but does not give anything in return. It is as if it is my obligation to take care of him. I have had enough. I have converted back to Christianity because of my frustrations and I   want divorce. Yet I want him to leave and divorce me in his own free will. We see each other, eat together but don't talk. Please I want to know how I can ask him to leave without fighting. This home of ours right now is given to me by my father, so it is only right for him to leave. Don't you think so???  I have been the sole bread winner and I cant see any effort from him to upgrade his status.

Please tell me what to do. I can not ask my family for they will only tell me ... we told you so. I can't go to his family because they will only tell me to be patient. I have given up. I want out. How should I go about it??? I don't think he will leave on his own. He has nothing to call his own so I don't think he will. I am desperate. Please advise me. Thank you,

A sister,
Philippines.

Answer:

Respected sister,
Assalamualikum Warehmatullah

In Islam the husband is bound to provide food, clothes, and shelter to the wife and children. The wife has no obligation in this regard. If she does it, it is her favour. If she is rich, earns, owns a house as in your case, she is not required by Islamic law to provide anything to the family. Whatever she does is entirely optional. We were shocked to know your story (if it is true, and we believe it is true, but we heard only from one side). Please distinguish between the moral teachings of Islam, legal teachings of Shariah and the behaviour of so called Muslims. You should not commit grave mistakes in frustration. Divorce is the most undesirable but lawful option in Islam. Under the circumstances as described by you, you can opt for divorce and after a period of three months you are entitled to marry with a Muslim. You can approach the local Islamic court or whatever institution available in your country. But, if you turn away from Islam and a belief on oneness of God and opt for Christianity and trinity, this will not be accepted by Allah on the day of judgment. Every sin in Islam is forgivable except SHIRK (Association of partners with ALLAH). We advise you in your own interest to repent on the attitude of thinking to revert to Christianity. You must die as a Muslim. You should be fully aware of the blessing and bounties of Islam. We also advise you to read and study Quran daily and offer prayers five times a day and ask Allah's help. We are sure Allah, the greatest shall give guidance to your husband or he shall give you a better, new practicing Muslim husband. We would also take this opportunity to inform you that in Islam, if the wife demands for a separate shelter (own or rented) in case she could not cope up with the In-laws then the husband must provide a separate shelter. May Allah give you the highest reward for your noble services to your deceased mother-in-law. You may politely ask your sister in law to vacate your house given by your father, and if she refuses you can serve a legal notice. We also advise you to communicate with your husband and ask him softly to work and ask him to be a good Muslim husband, but if this fails you can seek a divorce and serve him a legal notice to vacate your house.

Top