Question:

Assalam-o-Alaikum
I am a 23 years old girl and I have many questions related to my relationship with my Allah.

I am not a good Muslim, I admit. But I fear Allah more than anything in my life. I feel I am being watched and judged all the time. I try my best to do everything right and to please Allah, but still I do many wrong things. I feel I am not true to Allah. I feel that all the time I am trying to do buttering so that Allah believes that I am very good. But I know I am not good. Allah is so big and I am so small. I am not able to fulfill His expectations. I am always feeling that He deserves more sincerity. I can’t hide any feeling of mine from Allah and I am not honest most of the times. I feel ashamed of myself.
Do you think what I am, Allah loves me that way?
I am not a very practical. I believe in everything Allah says but when it comes to action, I become lazy .. but still I read a lot about my Allah …. knowing that I am not good at doing things practically. I wish to tell my friends about everything I know about Allah and Islam. Am I worthy to tell people to do things that I believe in but not good at?
I just think that may be someone good can get some message from Allah through me.
I am very afraid of my future. Will Allah send the good person for me as my husband? I pray a lot because I have planned nothing for my life but just to tell my kids about Islam and Allah. I want to introduce them to Allah and for that I need a pious man to help me fulfill my dreams.
I believe in my prayers a lot. I believe that my prayers can do miracles and they have done that always. I have now been in a habit of expecting too much from my prayers. Is it right?
I love my Allah a lot. How can I tell Allah that I love Him?
My questions may sound stupid .... but please answer me.

Zahida

Answer:

WaAlaikum Assalam dear Zahida!

Your whole message is a masterpiece of repentance. And Allah, the most Kind and Merciful informs that: "He loves the repentants and those who stay clean". The Prophet (Sall Allah o alaihe wa Sallam) is reported to have said: "All the children of Adam (alaihissalam) are wrong-doers. And the best of them are those who repent". Your’s is no "buttering", and do expect yet more from your prayers. Never feel tired beseeching Allah for His blessings and abundance in all good forms. He is neither handicapped, nor lacks anything. You being so thoughtful of Him must be among the fore-runners to receive His favours. The best of His favours that you already have is that you are on the right path that is bound to bring good tidings.

May I suggest that you continue the way you are doing and leave it to Allah how He treats you. Astonishingly, the best of the women folk in human history in the sight of Allah, were Maryam (alaihissalam) who had no husband, and Imrat al-Phir-a’un (Aasia), who had to live with the worst of the husbands. Well, I pray that Allah does not subject you to such great trial without curtailing the high rewards, and give you the best husband and children, as you wish. Ameen!
Wassalam,

M. Haq

Top