Assalam-o-Alaikum,

I would like to have some information on one question and the question is how the relation of husband and wife can be improved under the rules of Islam.
I would be grateful to you if you could answer my question.
Thanking you and Allah Waris

Jamshaid Majeed

ANSWER:

Dear Jamshaid Majeed! Wa alaikum assalam.

You have asked a very important question that has been repeatedly dealt by the scholars in great length. The sociological teachings of the Qur’an and the Prophetic Sunnah, provide all the essential elements of the subject. The best response for anybody seeking information on husband ? wife relations will be, that he looks into all the relevant verses and ahadith. Only then he can have proper idea, how Islam views the conjugal life to be. To initiate, I would suggest you please scan through this website (Q and A section) and you will find elaborate treatment of this important aspect of human life. Here I shall make some brief points for you:

Marriage is a social contract between two "equal" partners, reached through absolutely free will.

Man is the administrator (Qawwam) within the family, which never means that he is to act as "master", or owner;

The Qur’an terms husband and wife to be like attire for each other. Among the rest, it means both protect each other and cover up respective human weaknesses;

The Qur’an ordains (la tansawul fadla bainakum): which means that husband and wife be always kind, forgiving and respectful for each other;

The Prophet (Sall Allah o alaihe wa Sallam) was always mindful of the women folk. He is reported to have said: "The best among you is the one who is best with his family".

There are clear rules and regulations that spell out "legal" rights of both the husband and the wife. However, insistence upon their legal rights is one major reason of strained relations. There should always be the mood of sacrifice from both sides.

In the Islamic scheme of family life, there is clear division of duties and obligations. Adherence to one’s own sphere of activities makes the life easy and pleasant. Importantly, man is the bread-earner and wife has equal right on his earnings.

I could go on listing many more points, but as suggested, please follow the Qur’an and Sunnah with the help of some authentic exegesis, and you will have clearer and balanced idea of the type of relation Islam wants to build within the family. One or two points, seen in isolation, may appear confusing at time: The Islamic scheme however, is an organic whole and must be seen that way. Only then its merits will become evident and duly appreciated.

Good luck.

M. Haq

Question:

What are the rights of a wife in Islam?

Farhan Khan

Answer:

Assalam-o-Alaikum brother Farhan Mushtaq and thanks for contacting.
In Islam, the rights of the wife are well established and protected both legally and socially. Unfortunately however, a greater number of husbands and men-folk in general, are either ignorant of these rights, or willfully violate them. A few important and well known rights are:

1. A lady enters the marriage contract through her absolute free choice. No marriage is instituted without her consent.
2. Where the husband is assigned the right to divorce, wife has the right to seek separation, called khula'. If the husband does not agree to separation, it can and should be enforced through court's intervention. 
3. The household expenditure is to be met by the husband. Wife is not obliged to share, even if she is rich.
4. She has the right to have a separate dwelling, particularly if the husband possesses means.
5. She has the right to own property, received through various sources of inheritance, earned or enhanced through gainful investment.
6. She has the right to ask for a maid/servant to do household chores, and can not be compelled to do these job as a matter of obligation.
7. Like her property, she is the "owner" of her body, which legally means she can not be compelled even to breast-feed her baby. That arrangement is the responsibility of father. But she can never deny bed-sharing unless it was physically not possible. This is just one area in which Shariah compels her to comply with her husband's desire.
8. As mother, she enjoys priority over her husband to be looked after and served by the children (sons).

Having listed some of the rights as above, just to admit and clarify that women in our society are deprived of what Allah granted them, and also to indicate in which meaningful areas the women organizations should endeavour, let me also make an important point. The husband-wife union is one very special and very dear to God Almighty. He dislikes even a bit of rift between these two entities, which together make foundation of the civil life. There will be no civilization without a "family"; no doubt about it. What all this implies is that both husband and wife take due and extra care that they live in total harmony; that they do not insist upon and press for their respective "rights"; better they be accommodative, loving and sacrificing. But this is not one way traffic. Husband has to be more caring rather than demanding. The Qur'an did say - "la tansawul fadla bainakum" -, but noting that "men's souls are sawayed by greed (4:128)" they are specially cautioned to "do good" and "practice self-restraint" (wa inn tuhsinu wa tattaqu).

Ma'assalam,

M. Haq

Question:

Asalamolaikam,

I was wondering if you could help. I am getting married shortly (InshaAllah) and just need some information if you can help thank you:

1. After the Nikha, can we stay with each other at my betrothed's house or do I have to leave for a certain period with her?
2. Could you give me some kind of basic guidance on the man’s role in the marriage and the women?
3. Is contraception allowed, if not what of birth control?
4. During sexual intercourse what is allowed and what is not? Also do you have to have sex straight after marriage or can you wait?

I would appreciate an urgent response.
Thank you and Allah hafiz 

Hamad Hussain

Answer:

Assalam-o-Alaikum and thank you for contacting JI dear Hamad Hussain,

Congratulation before hand for opening a new chapter of your life. Now going by your questions one by one:

1. The first question is not very clear for me. However, the principle reply is that after Nikah, there is no bar on the spouses to live together as they wish. What you have noted are some customs which are not obligatory.
2. The code of Married life in Islam, assigns to man the role of the head of the family. This role brings with it certain duties:
1. The husband has to pay the wife a dowry (mah'r);
2. He has to bear the living expenses of the whole family. Legally, wife has no such responsibility. Even her upkeep is husband's task;
3. Man has to abstain from employing any oppressive means, or resort to cruelty and injustice, only because of his superior position.

Having taken care of at least the above three factors, the husband enjoys a few rights, that make the wife's responsibilities:

a.      She has to be vigilant in the husband's absence;

b.      She has to be obedient - in fact, means available to him, if not physically constrained. So much so that in his presence, she is not allowed to keep optional fast, without permission;

c.      According to a Hadith: "The best wife is the one who is attractive in your (husband's) eyes, who carries out your instructions and when you are absent keeps a watchful eye on your right to your property and your right on her".
The general mandate of obedience has one exception. If the husband asks her to sin (in any way), the wife can (rather should) refuse to obey.

3. Contraception may be allowed to a given couple strictly for health reasons. Economic constraints are not entertained by Islam. The concept of the fear of who would feed the extra child - that is the real major driving factor in the present day family planning, goes squarely against the Qur'anic injunction. Just a piece of advice. If the mother breast-feeds the baby for the due period (two years), nature itself works to provide sufficient space between two births.
4. Avoid homosexual mode (anal approach) or what they call oral sex. Also abstain form sex during the menstrual periods. For the rest, the Qur'an says: "Approach your fields as you wish". Sex soon after marriage/nikah is not essential. But the husband and wife should not remain separated for no good reason.

Wishing you best.

Wassalam,

M. Haq

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